That Magic Age

The mother and daughter stood in line waiting their turn. Their fashion modeled each other. If in other settings you'd confuse them for sisters. The mother was anxious. The daughter waited. The mother would often peer around the people in front of them looking at the glass case and donut options. The daughter just waited. When their turn finally came, the mother started pointing out which donuts she wanted in rapid fire, asking her daughter what she wanted. I don't know what was said or done but the employee behind the counter had a look on his face and the daughter said "be nice." Finally, the mother turned to the daughter and asked her if she wanted one more donut. She nodded or said "yes." The employee grabbed the first one on the rack. The mother wanted a specific one. The daughter said, "I'll just take that one." I don't know what else was said but how this drama played out I could tell the daughter has to control her mothers temperament often.

The first week of no shave November I participated in multiple sporting venues from - volleyball, football, soccer and basketball. At some of these venues I couldn't tell if a person was 25 or 16. Considering some of these events where at the local High School I just assumed they were under 18. At a varsity playoff football game some students stood on the sideline with a full to almost full grown beards waiting to be put into the game. Yet, I sat in the stand listening to parents call these fully grown, fully bearded individuals standing on the sidelines "kids."

One on going American complexity is for our young looking older and some of our older population to look younger. It's backed by a media that promotes certain fashions, family models, images and ideas backed by a medical and pharmaceutical companies that tell us we can make you "look" and "act" differently. With the lines constantly blurring I often wonder what is that illusionary "age" or "image" we are pursuing? Whatever that number is I can't define but I can tell you it looks like this, "someone who is sophisticated, smart, parties it up, has it together, never works, but has access to a lot of money, decorated, talented at nothing or specially one thing and has fluid connections to parents who look and act similar if not dumber then them."

In the movie "In Time" the optimal age is 25. Time is the comedy that is sold, traded, bartered and God-forbid "freely given." What one or two individuals were able to accomplish in a 24 hour period was truly astonishing. The movie is well written and in my opinion a slap on our current economic condition. But it did point out one face. When you are out of time. You die. Since you can watch up to the last second you live and die. You don't waste a lot of time sleeping or thinking about the long term. You just think about the now and how you might get more time so you don't die.

The movie speaks volumes to my point. Many American's and Christians have an unhealthy approach to death and aging. I will admit my premillennial eschatological views. But as my mom would often say, "we all get old and die." Thanks mom! She had a great way to encourage my dating life, "don't just look for the pretty girls, we all get old and die." Lots of hope found in those words but a realistic. The fountain of youth has always been a mythical apple that the medical and pharmaceutical companies worship. But it's just a myth. We all get old and die.

Christians need a new model (really its not new it just needs to be reclaimed from our rich Christian History). "Jesus said, `If anyone desires to come after Me, let that person deny themselves, and take up their cross, and follow me." Matthew 16:24 "I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I [Paul] who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in flesh I live by faith in the Sone of God who love me and gave Himself for me" Galatians 2:20. "I [Paul] appeal to you brothers and sisters, by the mercies o God to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect" Romans 12:1-2.

The girl at the donut counter is an 8th Grader who participates in F.C.A. (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) at a local Middle School I speak at occasionally. Some of the "kids" standing on the sidelines aren't kids at all but fully cable men able to do incredibly great things like go to Africa and help children dying of malaria. More importantly these "kids" came up with a fundraiser themselves and raised enough money themselves to fund the cost of the trip. Good job "kids." Please note extreme sarcasm.

As Christians we are surrendered servants of God. I truly believe God does not distinguish age but willingness. My interim at Stonebridge UMC I have known 3 "kids" to be the rock and foundation of their messed up, jacked up household. Either their parents were dealing with messy divorces, drug abuse, mental issues, and just flat out irresponsibility. These "kids" had to grow up fast because their parents never wanted to grow up. Yet, with the support of extended family, friends, and Churches they strive as "kids."

Here is my point. God looks for the willing not their age. Christendom has to stop being "conformed to this world." But "present ourselves to God." Some of the greatest servants of God can carry the Kingdom of God on their shoulder at the age of 12 (King David cough cough!). We have to stop blurring the lines that maturity comes in ages and stages but recognize that God is looking for the willing now. It was a 13 year old kid who said, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever He [God] wants. May everything you have said come true" Luke 1:38. Nine months later Jesus, the Son of God was born.

Sidewalk

When I was in college there was this sidewalk that was never completed. It was probably built the same time the dorms were designed in the mid 60's. It stopped and opened into a field. First, I am never one to really obey sidewalks but this one totally entertained me. Second, every time I had an opportunity to introduce someone to this sidewalk, I did. When we got to the edge of the sidewalk I would always ask, "so where do you think it goes?" Those who know my playful personality would always come up with some playful imaginary land. My favorite always included anything that included Dwarfs, Zombies, Pixies, or animals that can chase, destroy or eat us. My literal friends would hardly pay any attention to it and say, "the grass" or "field." No matter the answer I wouldn't let people just step from the sidewalk to the grass. You had to make an adventure of it. You either had to jump, run, skip, or whatever but you absolutely couldn't just step from world of sidewalks into the world of your imagination.

Maybe I was just bored. Maybe it was a feeble attempt to connect to an inner child. Maybe it was a way to get to know people. Maybe it was a way to discover how creative or boring people can truly be. Whatever psychologist may call it, I discovered something about myself and my calling on that sidewalk that I didn't realize until today.

Matthew 13:1-9
1 That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2 Large crowds gathered around him, so he got into a boat and sat down, while the people stood on the shore. 3 Then Jesus used stories to teach them many things. He said: "A farmer went out to plant his seed. 4 While he was planting, some seed fell by the road, and the birds came and ate it all up. 5 Some seed fell on rocky ground, where there wasn't much dirt. That seed grew very fast, because the ground was not deep. 6 But when the sun rose, the plants dried up, because they did not have deep roots. 7 Some other seed fell among thorny weeds, which grew and choked the good plants. 8 Some other seed fell on good ground where it grew and produced a crop. Some plants made a hundred times more, some made sixty times more, and some made thirty times more. 9 You people who can hear me, listen."

On my hunting trips I've gotten to know a lot of farmers. In the past two and a half years I've truly gotten to know one particular farmer named Roger. Experienced and aged farmers have this thing about them, something I call an "it is what it is" attitude and view on life. They have a cyclical understanding of life probably due to being in touch with the season of the year. This seasonal understanding means they are completely at the mercy of nature or in Roger's case "God's abundance." Whatever God gives God gives. Whatever God takes God takes. Again that "it is what it is" attitude. No matter the case you plant in due season. You maintain the earth and your livestock. You harvest in due season.

When reading the parable of the seeds. The parable is obviously about the seeds but its also about the farmer. Just as the farmer cast seeds into the soil. I introduced people to a sidewalk that ends. Where they go from that point onward is really their calling. My role as the front man has been so apparent as I look back on my life with Jesus. Just like the farmer has no idea what the harvest will look like come the following fall. I have no idea what a person's soul will be like at the end of their life. Like the farmer I hope for a good crop. I hope I have been diligent enough during the time of maintenance. But in the end God is in charge.

I know I have an overly creative brain that sometimes even scares me. It is so easy for me to take the common things of life and resurrect them for God purpose - a sidewalk, a old Macintosh Computer, a rope, a candle, sandals, its endless. All these things have been used to show the God (the original creator, planter, sustainer and harvester) behind all things. The God that cries for a relationship with us. Maybe I am just bored. Maybe its a feeble attempt to connect to an inner child. Maybe it's just way to get to know people. Maybe its how God just works. As Jesus says in many of His parables. "If you have the ears to hear and the eyes to see."

Life does have its cycles. I was reminded this week that is what Worship is truly about. A place to begin and a place to end. Some view Worship as an end point surrendering all the junk from the past week. Some view Worship as a beginning where you can start new. Some view Worship as no time at all but just an opportunity to be with God. Some of us it might be a cycle of all these things depending on what we are facing now. We need a constant reminder to be born again, to be resurrected, to be restored, to be nourished, to just be with God. Maybe the parable of the sower has nothing to do with the seeds or the farmer or the soil. Maybe it all has to do with the recognition that God is ultimately in control. If He is in control that means I am not! Amen and Amen!

Where does that sidewalk go?

Reborn (Teen 2.0)

There are few books that have had a long lasting, world view altering impact on me; The Bible, The Brothers Karamazov (Dostoevsky), The Fountainhead (Rand), Jesus, Through the Centuries (Pelikan), Messy Spirituality (Yaconelli), and now Teen 2.0 (Epstein). I am not going to give you my opinion on the book but more or less my perspective after reading the book twice.

What if we didn't look at teenagers as "children" or "kids" but biologically what they are developing adults? The entire classification of children, into adolescence, into pre-teen, then teenagers, then adults is completely skewed depending on who you ask - parents, the law, pharmaceutical companies, youth workers, teachers, coaches, etc. Every person develops differently. I was a late bloomer myself. I literally had no interest in girls until my late high school years. I had more of the Calving & Hobbs attitude that girls were dumb and only good for throwing water balloons at. But when my interest in girls happened, it happened really fast! Girls, that was all I thought about! Sound familiar to any parent's with teenage boys?

Epstein proposes that we break away from the American pragmatic classifications and consider "children" as needing constant nurturing and attention, puberty as the stage of transition and then adults. During the Conference I attended he counted how many times the word "child" or "kid" was used by those who introduced him. I believe he counted 53 times. His point in counting the terms was to introduce the thought that how we view these "children" or "kids" greatly impacts the way we think about them. If we view a 17 year old as a "child" or "kid" we register in the back of our brain that they still need constant nurturing and attention. But if we view them as an adult who has all the physical and mental tools to survive it all the sudden changes our perspective on how we raise them.

"Infantilization" is the term he uses over and over again throughout the book and during his presentation. Basically it means we treat teenagers like infants supported by government classification (school, law, and legislation) and pharmaceutical companies that profit the most in labeling teenagers. He willingly admits he screwed up his first kid by raising him the way all his neighbors did. But as a Harvard Graduate Psychologist he realized that he could do better. You'll have to read his book to discover his resolution. The title of the book is Teen 2.0: Saving our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence. You, like me will probably disagree with much of what he says in your first reading. Yet, when I read it again I understood the subtitle, "Saving our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence."

I had to be reborn again with my thoughts about "children" and "kids." I've always looked at teenagers differently this book confirmed many of my initial thoughts. I willingly admit I believe many parents baby or infantilize their teenagers. I remember a Bible Study where a mom struggling with a "child" in college openly admitted, "I screwed him up being a helicopter mom. The best thing I could have done is let him fail on his own and not intervene." I, unfortunately, have this conversation in some form or another with a parent, regularly. Since I have gotten back from that Conference I have had to make professional counseling referrals for parents needing help with their "kid" or "child." In the past I have toyed with the idea of getting a L.P.C. (Licensed Professional Counseling). Well after my experience for the past few weeks and especially after reading this book my toying around has now reached a level of inquire that I know I have about 50-60 hours worth of classes to take and a "daunting" 3000 supervised hours. Luckily, I work with a ton of teens and families who will edge me closer to that goal.

Just as Epstein realized with his on family, I realize that with the Ministry God has given me, I can do better. We all need to be reborn on a daily basis. I am constantly amazed how God does that in my own life. Sometimes being reborn happens instantaneously like rolling down the window and feeling the cool air, remembering the God is in control. Sometimes being reborn is a slow painful process; such a breaking an addiction or changing ones belief about something. My definition of being reborn daily means "not going back." There are certain phases of my life I never want to experience again. Likewise there are certain beliefs, ideas, and philosophies I can no longer hold on too. My views and beliefs about teenagers have radically been challenged. Like God always does He puts this road in front of me and says, "what are you going to do about this?"

What if we cared and loved people so much that the only thing we strive for is to see them be reborn into God's most excellent creation? What is awesome about that is that "we" adults don't have the answer, only God and the individual student know the answer. But what if we are allowed to walk side by side with them discovering their wholeness in God. What if? What if? Its awesome to be reborn.